wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
