Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This baby is an asshole
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
