My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
