I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
