i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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