All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
