Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
