PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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