Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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