Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
