dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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