he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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