'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
