There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
