My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
