My sheets look like a crime scene.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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