im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
