he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
