this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
