i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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