You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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