I want to stick my p in your. b.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
