that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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