We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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