does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
