Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
