About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
