she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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