ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
