she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
