Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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