i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
