I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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