I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
