Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They took my balls.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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