and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
