i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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