so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
