he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
