I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
