now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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