Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
