Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
