I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
