I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
