Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
