Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
