dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
