She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
