The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
