last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
