Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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