he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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