I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
